Tell Them a Story

I'm in therapy now for the pretty much sole purpose of trying to figure out how to navigate being an author (which feels weird) while at the same time being an author (which feels normal). And while talking to my therapist Kevin it occurred to me that when people ask you a question they don't want you to answer that question.

Of course they don't. I don't know why I've been so slow in figuring this out.

I talked to my friend Jason today. An architect who lives in New York, one of my MacDowell buddies. And he said "When they ask you something like, for example, 'How does it feel to publish your book?" what they're really asking is 'How will it feel for me when I publish my book?'" In other words all anybody really is ever asking about is themselves - and I think he's quite right. He suggested I respond to questions with a question, i.e., when someone says "How does it feel to publish?" I should immediately turn it back around and say "How do you expect it to feel when you publish?"

And once again I think he's quite right - as long as I'm talking ot that person one on one, such as in an interview or as part of my role as a teacher in an MFA program. I owe people something in that context.

But if the question comes in a group, such as a trade show or public reading, I'm not sure I can afford to engage every questioner on that level. Both Dawn and Alison have warned me not to "give too much" and I am beginning to know what they mean. If you engage too personally with every random questioner you'll not only wear yourself out, but you'll also fail to please your listener.

So, along with Keven's help, I've devised another plan. A way to go into a public author persona that both protects me and satisfies the questioner.

And that's just to tell them a story. When someone says "What is it like...." they don't really want an answer to this question. What they want is for you to tell them a story, a nice encapsulated egg-shaped answer. I don't think this will be hard. I have already come up with 20 or so "official" stories about the creative process. The stories are accurate and engaging and interesting - but they're just stories. It doesn't wear me out to tell them. It doesn't make me feel violated to tell them.

So here's the new plan. Don't answer questions. Tell stories. That's what I am - a storyteller. It's a fair thing for them to ask me to do. It's a fair thing for me to do back. I know I've written about this before - bear with me, constant readers - but the idea is evolving and I'm trying to get my mind more solidly around it. I can't be expoed and public all the time. I can't parcel myself out in bits and pieces. Alison tried to do that and it almost wore her out. What I can do is tell them a story.